Paper one had a good grasp on sentence structure (simple,
and some complex), one thing that I saw while reading and trying to critique
(without using red marks) is that, yes, they have a good grasp on sentence
structure, but they still need to work on a couple things. The sentences were
all very similar and they could use some variety. I want to see them working on
long as well as short sentences. They also had commas in some funky places, and
some spelling errors. A sentence that I saw that was good was this, “As racial
discrimination and ethic violence grow in complexity, they become more of a
challenge for the international community.” I think that this student could
definitely be an ELL student and that it why some of there sentences start with
a famboys.
Paper two also knew how to form complete, simple sentences;
they really tried to experiment with complex sentences (and did succeed at
times). If they just moved their commas around a little they would have good
complex sentences. They do a good job experimenting with the comma so I was
happy to see that they weren’t scared to try new things. Sometimes people can
be scared of the comma. A couple sentences would be perfect if they just
changed the comma placement such as changing this, “I’ve seen people get killed
or hurt because of envy, for example a lot of people develop anger and hate on
other people because they envy what they have.” To this, “I’ve seen people get
killed or hurt because of envy, for example, a lot of people develop anger and
hate on other people because they envy what they have.” I think that this
student would benefit from learning correct comma placement and furthering
their knowledge on complex sentences. This student could also possibly be an
ELL student, because their word placement is a little off.
Paper three, this student does a really good job at short
simple sentences. They have a good grasp on how to use a comma in a list, but
they could benefit from learning how to use a comma in complex sentences. I
would want to teach this student complex sentences and the correct placement of
a comma in a complex sentence. Another thing that this student does really well
is the use of parentheses. They even have the period in the correct place. The
sentence is, “Everybody always says, ‘you have a problem with that person just
kill them.’’’ I thought they did a good job with the structure of that
sentence. I would also want to teach this student sentence structure, and I
think they are an ELL student.
Looking at all of these three papers as a whole, I think
that the one thing that they all have in common that they need help with is
sentence structure. They need to be adding sentence variety and using more
complex sentences in their writing. I think that giving a lesson on commas will
be helpful for them to then move onto more sentence complexity. Another lesson
that I would teach them would be about apostrophes, because I see a bunch that
aren’t supposed to be there/need to be there. I think that all three of these
students are ELL and that they have just recently learned these rules.
